Well, I'm back after my absence from Blogger for a while. The last few weeks have been interesting. So a few quick updates before I continue on with my thought of the day. We made it through my dad's 60th birthday bash. We had a great time and I made it through singing in front of about 30 people without having a nervous breakdown. The dentist I work with (we'll call him "Shaner") played guitar & I sang and apparently, we did quite well together. We had too much food, which was great because I thought we would run out. Dad's cake was awesome! And I think everyone had an amazing time. I'll post pics when I get them from Dad's camera.
I finished my Christmas shopping today...I think. As long as Keith finishes up the few items he is supposed to buy, that is. We've already had one Christmas, so we have three more to go.
On to other things... I have been more depressed/upset/hurt/weepy/irritated than usual for a few weeks now about the whole baby thing. And then last week my friend from work (we'll call her PIC), announces to me that she is pregnant...after trying for one month. And it completely broke me. I cried and bawled for several days. In fact, I felt terrible for not being more excited for her, so I had to write her a card telling her that I was not upset that she was pregnant, I was upset because I was not. I'm actually happy that she is having a little one! She is going to be an amazing mama! But anyway, that triggered a crazy response in me and I had to dry my eyes more than once yesterday at our family Christmas because I kept watching our cousin's baby. So I've been feeling like I've been left out. And that I can't do anything about it.
And then today my phone rang. It was a friend of mine that I used to work with, who I haven't talked to in several months. (We'll call her May) May tells me that she is having a baby. Now this would usually get the same response that every other pregnancy does for me. But this time, I was actually excited. May has been trying for ten years and has suffered multiple miscarriages and has been through artificial insemination without any luck. And now she is almost seven months pregnant after doing in-vitro fertilization. I'm am so incredibly thrilled for her & husband! She goes on to tell me how it all worked and what clinic they used and how their insurance had paid for 100% of their procedure costs. And then she says, "I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad, I'm telling you this to give you hope. Because if this can happen for us, it can happen for you too."
Wow. I'm still a little floored. It can! It can happen for Keith & me, just like it did for them! It may mean some heartache now, but I believe that it will happen. I've always known that we will have children, but you begin to doubt when it doesn't happen time and time again. I actually feel like I do have some hope now. When we stopped working together, I didn't know if May & I would keep in touch or not. And we fell out of touch until today. But now I know that we were meant to be close because I need that encouragement. I need the hope! But no one was ever able to give it to me until now. And for that, I am eternally grateful.
