Lost

Did you ever just drive and drive and never seem to find where you're going? You always pass the same rock or building two or three times before you realize it, too. That's how I feel right now. I feel like I've been driving around the same block for weeks and I keep passing the same 'ol stuff. And I'm just now noticing it. I keep trying to get to that one place but I just can't seem to find my way. In my mind, I know the way...if I just take a left here and a right there, I'll be there. But every time I take the turn, there's a detour that throws me off track. And I end up right where I started, trying to follow my directions. Why are there so many detours? Why can't I just get in car and drive until I get there? It seems impossible. I've been pretty optimistic about it until the last couple of days when the detours are innumerable. I think every rock and tree and roof have fallen in my way and now all my tires are flat! I'm confused and discouraged and even though I know what should help, I can't see the results of it yet. I'm ready to abandon my car and just start walking even though I know that won't help either.

Answered Prayers?

I'm still a little weirded out, but in a good way. I had something very odd happen to me yesterday. All day Sunday I had something on my heart that I felt compelled to check on. The more I ignored it, the more it popped in my head. So out of curiosity, I made a phone call yesterday to check on what I was thinking about. That person then proceeded to tell me that she had been praying for someone to do just that.
What does that mean? Was God pressing on my heart, using me to answer a prayer? Or did I just do it on my own? Or was it completely coincidental? I'm under the belief that everything happens for a reason, even if it's a bad, terrible thing. So I called her for a reason. I'm okay with that. But answering someone's prayer? That's unbelievable to me. If God used me to answer one person's prayer, what else could He use me for, if I only let him? Maybe that's all it takes....letting God have control. Maybe that's all it takes to have a God-filled life. Why do we make it so much more difficult than that?
If we only give our life to God instead of trying to do everything alone, things would be much simpler. That's what I've gotten out of this experience. What have you gotten out of this story? Maybe my story is supposed to help you let God take control.

Evolution

I bet I got your attention with that title, huh? I don't mean the whole monkey into man thing, I mean the other evolution...the kind that just means "change". I've been thinking more and more about it lately. There are certain people in my life that I have a particular mental image of. When I think about Steven Guerrero, I have an image of him as I looked out the window of a bus as we were pulling up in front of the Rincon church building about 6 years ago. I always picture my dad laid back in his recliner at our old house, asleep with the tv on. I think about Scott Roderick wearing overalls at camp riding on a 4-wheeler.
But these people (as well as many more I can think of) have changed over the years and that picture in my head has to evolve also. Steven is older now and I haven't been to the Rincon church building in years. My parents have a new house and my dad doesn't usually sleep in his recliner anymore. And I haven't seen Scott with overalls on in almost a year! But why do I still think of them in that way? Am I more comfortable with the old images? No, not really. That's just what my mind goes back to when their names are brought up.
And I'm sure other people think of me in the same way. Some may see me as the tiny 12 year old with hair bigger than her whole body. Some probably remember me as the church secretary in my tailored dress suit. Others may remember me as a flirting college student (it's true...I flirted a little). Even though all of those were me at one time, they aren't me now. In fact, what I was like 6 months ago, isn't what I am now because I have evolved as a person. It doesn't make me wishy-washy or anything else, because changing is good for human nature.
Why are people afraid of change? I guess it's just fear of the unknown. I revel in the thought of change. If I get too comfortable with someone or something, I get lazy. It takes evolving to keep my mind fresh. And even though looking back on what once was makes me sad and nostalgic, I know that it was all changed by Him with a purpose, even if we cannot comprehend it.

Women

I just finished watched The Women with my friend, Maria. Interesting. Men are dogs...I think that's the whole idea of the movie. No, really, I think it goes deeper than that. Here are a few things that I got from it.

*Don't sell yourself out.
*Stay true to what you want.
*Be true to your friends.
*Mother knows best.
*It's okay to put yourself first every once in a while.
*You never know what goes on behind closed doors.

And, of course, I got a lot of curse words (lots of profanity!) and a little bit of my favorite diva, Bette Midler. And since I love anything with Bette Midler, I thought it was a good movie. A little crazy, a little....worldly...but altogether, I liked it. And through the bad, came some good ideas that we could all learn from. Well, all adults could learn from them. You should probably send your kids to the grandparents while you watch this movie.

The First of Many

For some reason, I stopped writing a few years ago. I'm not sure why, but it happened nonetheless. Now I've returned to my passion, taking notes along the way. Some people may disagree with me, but I think God is placing certain things on my heart and in my head to write about. Ideas flood up within me and I can't write fast enough to get it all on paper (or computer screen). Sometimes I feel like Jo March from Little Women..."Late at night my mind would come alive with voices and stories and friends as dear to me as any in the real world. I gave myself up to it, longing for transformation." I may not be as talented as Louisa May Alcott but I certainly have a mind for the printed word. I intend on this blog being my springboard for ideas, outlash at society, and my love.

Most people will read this post and wonder if the Mandy Moore they know has such things in her heart. For some of you, the answer is yes! As most see me, I am a goofy twenty-something who loves my family and dogs and has no life ambition...partially true. The reason I appear to have no life ambition, is because I am a writer. If you are an artist at heart, you will understand that statement. People see artists and writers and musicians as people with no direction, drifting through the wind toward whatever is convenient at the time. And if that is how you see us, that's okay with me. I never wanted fame or fortune or a doctorate degree. I only long for happiness and the satisfaction of a fulfilled life. And writing gives me direction and satisfaction.

I will never have a million dollars or a PhD or even my own talk show but I will have a life of happiness and mansion in heaven one day. And as I see it, that is better than any worldly thing.