Ungrateful

Yes, I tend to go on rants about the same things, but I'm so angry right now I can hardly see straight.  And it all comes down to ungratefulness and selfishness.  I had a "friend" from work that had a beautiful baby boy last week.  Her entire pregnancy was wonderful.  She was not sick one time, she did not have heartburn, she started swelling two weeks before the baby was born, and yet she complained every single day.  She was tired.  She was mad that she couldn't drink alcohol.  That's it.  And she complained incessantly about it.  She did not even seem excited when she told me she was pregnant.  She said she was, but nothing in her actions said "Yea! I'm so excited that I can give birth to this little person who will love me forever!  I've waited for this my entire life!"  Her man was excited (I say "man" because I don't know what to call him....ex-husband, live-in, ???) , however she was not.
When we went to see her at the hospital, she did not talk once about the baby, she only griped because she had to have a c-section and it was a "horrible experience".  When offered the baby, she told us to "put him in his box".  Her husband bragged continuously about him, my husband even held him...a newborn.  We cooed over him and rocked him, while she watched tv.  The day they went home, she sent me a text that said "We are home, all is good, or as good as it can be".  Seriously?!?!  You should be on cloud 9 that your baby is healthy and gets to go home 2 days after he is born!
I would have given my left arm to have a c-section and have a beautiful, healthy baby.  I'm just so confused about how someone can not be happy at all about such a miraculous thing.  I know some people just don't want children, period.  But once you see that child, how can you not be thrilled?

Moore update

I go through spells when I feel more creative and expressive, and I guess I've been doing that lately.  I've also had a TON of energy, for some reason.  I'm gonna say it's because I finally started taking vitamins regularly.  Anyway, I've been busy with crazy stuff and not writing so here's a quick update.
I've been working around the house lately.  I finally got our "junk room" cleaned out.  Now I'm just waiting on the hubby to finish the floor in there that he started about 2 years ago. :-)  I also got the other bedroom cleaned out.  After having two different boarders in there over the last couple of years, it had gotten pretty cluttered.  I also cleaned out the laundry room and two closets (besides the closets in the other two mentioned rooms).  And, for the record, I do not like to clean at all.  Hate it.  But I like feeling accomplished.
Keith's back has been bothering him a lot again, and I hate it.  I can't do anything for him except pump him full of muscle relaxers.  And since he can't get approved for insurance, that's all we can afford to do right now.  I, however, DO have insurance now!  It's so nice to have insurance after being without for three or four years.  And I have been using it to my advantage too.  More on that later, though.
Keith & I have also been tremendously busy on the weekends.  We go to the Little Red River a lot in the summers since his parents have a house there, but Keith has also been preaching a little for a congregation nearby.  We like it a lot there, and I guess they like us too.  He preaches about once a month, and we visit there more often than that, as a good friend of ours has been preaching there also.
This past weekend we had our annual Moore family weekend.  We had a blast, as usual!  I'm so blessed to not only have an amazing biological family, but to have such great in-laws too!  And, for the record, I also have amazing friends that I consider to be family.
Well, that about sums it up for now.  Maybe next time I'll have something bigger and better to write about....

Hello Dolly!

One of my favorite movies of all time is "Helly Dolly!" and I caught it on tv this morning.  I own it but I haven't seen it in a while.  So I sat down this morning and indulged in some Barbra Streisand and Walter Mattau.  I discovered this movie about 4 years ago when my friend was rehearsing to be in the play and I thought I would watch the movie before I saw her play.  And I fell in love with it.  I like Ms. Streisand anyway but something about this movie speaks to me.  I think Dolly's character is brilliantly played by Barbra.  If I had been an actress, I would have loved to have this part, but no one could do it justice as well as her.
Walter Mattau is also pretty amazing in this.  Until I saw this movie, I had never seen him young!  I've seen him as an older man and he's hilarious.  In this, he still plays that gruff role that he's known for, but as a handsome young man instead.  He can sing very well!
I also love this movie because there is a cameo of Louis Armstrong.  He is the cutest little man I've ever seen!  I wish I had known him.  He's a brilliant singer and trumpet player but he seems like the sweetest man you could ever meet.  You can't see him without grinning uncontrollably.  So this movie makes so indescribably happy with both of their presences.
"Helly Dolly!" also has one my favorite quotes: "I have lost so many things, my job, my future, everything people think is important, but I don't care.  Cause even if I have to dig ditches for the rest of my life, I shall be a ditch digger who once had a wonderful day."  This has become my life's motto.  I tend to focus on bad things a lot, so I try to think about this.  I may not be rich or famous or have a lot of things, but I do have a lot of wonderful days.  I think I want this on my gravestone one day...

Old Photos

I've been looking through a lot of old photographs here recently. It started with making my dad's slide show for his 60th birthday. I found some great pictures of my parents, as well as some pictures from my dad's Navy days. Now I am working on making our house look like an actual home. I figure it's time since we've lived here for five years and have been married for almost seven. I kept saving wall space for our future kids' pictures, but we all know that hasn't been used so I am trying to fill the walls with other memories.
Today I ran across some pictures of my grandparents and I had an epiphany. Anyone that knows me well knows that I have struggled with depression for several years. I realized today that both times it got really bad, were right after I had lost a grandparent. I lost my dad's parents early on. (Paw-paw lost the fight against leukemia when I was seven and Maw-maw died of a brain aneurysm when I was fourteen.) So I think that because I was young and I didn't see them as much, it didn't affect me as much. Don't get me wrong, I was upset when they passed, but it wasn't the same as when my mom's parents' passed.
My mom's parents lived two miles from us and I saw them almost every day. I got off the bus at their house many days and saw them at each and every church service during the week. My Ya-ya passed December 9th when I was nineteen and it was probably one of the most traumatic things I've been through. When you are that extremely close to someone and they leave in one way or another, it hurts. No, it doesn't hurt, it tears out your heart and soul, and you look for something to fill the void, only nothing can. That was when I went through my first major spell with depression, although I didn't realize it at the time. I cried for days on end at first, and then I cried each and every month around the 9th of the month for over a year. I tried to fill the void with a relationship with someone who was utterly and completely wrong for me, which made it worse. It was only after the relationship was over that I knew something was wrong and sought out medications to help.
I stayed in the same slump for years until I met my husband and then everything changed. I had someone that I loved and appreciated and that made me feel special again. And everything was great for a while. And then a couple of years later, my Pop died, and I spiraled downward again. I did and said lots of things that I am not proud of at all. And this lasted until I sought out help once again. And finally things are better. I won't say that I don't have bad days, because I do. Today is one of those. I saw those pictures of Ya-ya today and I cried like a baby once again. But now I know that as much as I miss her and as much as I desperately want to be with her, I CAN be with her again. I know she's waiting up in heaven for me as a I type this. I only hope & pray that I can be as strong and faithful as she was so I can spend eternity with her.

Helpless Hubby

My husband has been helpless this week. On Sunday he started feeling bad and by Monday afternoon he was in severe pain. He headed to the doctor's office where he got a few shots and some prescriptions. By the time we got home, he was in the most pain I've ever known him to have. We headed to the ER, where he was diagnosed with a kidney stone and drugged up with a ton of medicine. Tuesday brought a visit to the urologist office to confirm the diagnosis. In between was filled with lots of screaming and crying and begging for the pain to be gone and throwing up. And now he STILL has not passed the stupid kidney stone. I think all he has eaten this entire week was some fries, 2 chicken nuggets, 5 crackers, a couple cookies, and 2 chicken strips. And he has not kept any of that down. Urologist appointment again this Tuesday and we'll see what happens from there. :-(

Back from being AWOL

Well, I'm back after my absence from Blogger for a while. The last few weeks have been interesting. So a few quick updates before I continue on with my thought of the day. We made it through my dad's 60th birthday bash. We had a great time and I made it through singing in front of about 30 people without having a nervous breakdown. The dentist I work with (we'll call him "Shaner") played guitar & I sang and apparently, we did quite well together. We had too much food, which was great because I thought we would run out. Dad's cake was awesome! And I think everyone had an amazing time. I'll post pics when I get them from Dad's camera.
I finished my Christmas shopping today...I think. As long as Keith finishes up the few items he is supposed to buy, that is. We've already had one Christmas, so we have three more to go.

On to other things... I have been more depressed/upset/hurt/weepy/irritated than usual for a few weeks now about the whole baby thing. And then last week my friend from work (we'll call her PIC), announces to me that she is pregnant...after trying for one month. And it completely broke me. I cried and bawled for several days. In fact, I felt terrible for not being more excited for her, so I had to write her a card telling her that I was not upset that she was pregnant, I was upset because I was not. I'm actually happy that she is having a little one! She is going to be an amazing mama! But anyway, that triggered a crazy response in me and I had to dry my eyes more than once yesterday at our family Christmas because I kept watching our cousin's baby. So I've been feeling like I've been left out. And that I can't do anything about it.
And then today my phone rang. It was a friend of mine that I used to work with, who I haven't talked to in several months. (We'll call her May) May tells me that she is having a baby. Now this would usually get the same response that every other pregnancy does for me. But this time, I was actually excited. May has been trying for ten years and has suffered multiple miscarriages and has been through artificial insemination without any luck. And now she is almost seven months pregnant after doing in-vitro fertilization. I'm am so incredibly thrilled for her & husband! She goes on to tell me how it all worked and what clinic they used and how their insurance had paid for 100% of their procedure costs. And then she says, "I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad, I'm telling you this to give you hope. Because if this can happen for us, it can happen for you too."
Wow. I'm still a little floored. It can! It can happen for Keith & me, just like it did for them! It may mean some heartache now, but I believe that it will happen. I've always known that we will have children, but you begin to doubt when it doesn't happen time and time again. I actually feel like I do have some hope now. When we stopped working together, I didn't know if May & I would keep in touch or not. And we fell out of touch until today. But now I know that we were meant to be close because I need that encouragement. I need the hope! But no one was ever able to give it to me until now. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Just wondering.....

Have you ever noticed that the lips from Rocky Horror look like the lips from the Dairy Queen commercial? Kinda creepy...

That's all. :-)

Update...

I haven't posted in a few weeks because I've been tremendously busy. I've been working on my dad's 60th birthday party. We are having it at their local fire department, because we can use it for free and it's big enough to lay everything out. I ordered invitations today from www.vistaprint.com. I'm trying to decide on a cake design now. I want it to look like his 1947 Ford truck, and that's presenting a problem. I don't have a ton of money to spend on it so I'm trying to figure out my options for the design. I'm going to a local bakery tomorrow to see what ideas they have. Ed's Bakery has the most amazing cakes & cookies so I know they will come up with something awesome!

At the party, we are having people bring acoustic instruments so we can sit around and play and sing after we all eat. It's something Dad has wanted to do for a while, so we thought we could incorporate that into his birthday celebration. I think I am going to also buy a photo book (the kind you write in) and have everyone sign it as a guest book. Then we can put photos of the party in it & give it to Dad. For food, we are going to just do appetizers. We will have veggie & fruit trays, deli trays, chips, dips, and maybe a few more things. And, of course, the cake. We are also working on a photo slideshow to play throughout the party.

We wanted to do a more elaborate party, complete with a diner-style ice cream bar, but money would not allow it this time around. I'm sure it will still be a fun, memorable party.

So that's what I've been up to! More updates to come...

Vacation???

Well, the hubby & I just got back from Missouri a few hours ago. One of his cousins is in chiropractic school there so it seemed like a good place to go on a weekend vacation with the little bit of money we had saved up. Here are the pros & cons of the road trip.

Pros

1. We got to see Josh & Shea

2. The St. Louis zoo is amazing!

3. A little alone time with the hubby is good

4. I got to relax and read some magazines

5. Our hotel room had a jacuzzi tub

Cons

1. Six hours in the car is enough for anyone

2. Somehow I miraculously hurt my foot while walking around the zoo on Saturday. (I always seem to hurt myself in the most random ways)

3. The air conditioner in my car started blowing warm air about halfway to St. Louis, leaving us to drive way too many hours in a hot car

4. Vacation laundry!

I guess that's about it for the vacation update. All-in-all, we had a good trip. It was just a little bit warmer than we had anticipated.

Babies...

I'll start this post off by saying that I am not sad! Today I made a visit to my friend who had her first baby last weekend. He is a precious little thing and I know God has great things planned for him. This is just another one of our friends to have a baby before us.

It used to make me really upset and I would cry for days when I found out that another person would be a mother before me. And, don't get me wrong, sometimes I still get upset. But now it's different. I think a not-so-selfish side of me has come out. I've never been one of those people that got mad if you got something before me, and I don't turn my back on my preggo friends. But after trying for over 6 years, it's a little aggravating when person after person after person has a baby while we are just sitting here.

I can see now though that God has a different plan for us and that's okay. We still want to be parents very badly but I'm okay with us being the "aunt & uncle" for now. Keith & I both enjoy playing with our friends' kids and getting them little presents for no reason. That is something we may or may not be able to do if we had children of our own right now. And we do truly love our "nieces & nephews".

So if we haven't told you lately, we are so proud that all of you have become parents before us! You are amazing parents and we can't wait to learn from you!