Old Photos

I've been looking through a lot of old photographs here recently. It started with making my dad's slide show for his 60th birthday. I found some great pictures of my parents, as well as some pictures from my dad's Navy days. Now I am working on making our house look like an actual home. I figure it's time since we've lived here for five years and have been married for almost seven. I kept saving wall space for our future kids' pictures, but we all know that hasn't been used so I am trying to fill the walls with other memories.
Today I ran across some pictures of my grandparents and I had an epiphany. Anyone that knows me well knows that I have struggled with depression for several years. I realized today that both times it got really bad, were right after I had lost a grandparent. I lost my dad's parents early on. (Paw-paw lost the fight against leukemia when I was seven and Maw-maw died of a brain aneurysm when I was fourteen.) So I think that because I was young and I didn't see them as much, it didn't affect me as much. Don't get me wrong, I was upset when they passed, but it wasn't the same as when my mom's parents' passed.
My mom's parents lived two miles from us and I saw them almost every day. I got off the bus at their house many days and saw them at each and every church service during the week. My Ya-ya passed December 9th when I was nineteen and it was probably one of the most traumatic things I've been through. When you are that extremely close to someone and they leave in one way or another, it hurts. No, it doesn't hurt, it tears out your heart and soul, and you look for something to fill the void, only nothing can. That was when I went through my first major spell with depression, although I didn't realize it at the time. I cried for days on end at first, and then I cried each and every month around the 9th of the month for over a year. I tried to fill the void with a relationship with someone who was utterly and completely wrong for me, which made it worse. It was only after the relationship was over that I knew something was wrong and sought out medications to help.
I stayed in the same slump for years until I met my husband and then everything changed. I had someone that I loved and appreciated and that made me feel special again. And everything was great for a while. And then a couple of years later, my Pop died, and I spiraled downward again. I did and said lots of things that I am not proud of at all. And this lasted until I sought out help once again. And finally things are better. I won't say that I don't have bad days, because I do. Today is one of those. I saw those pictures of Ya-ya today and I cried like a baby once again. But now I know that as much as I miss her and as much as I desperately want to be with her, I CAN be with her again. I know she's waiting up in heaven for me as a I type this. I only hope & pray that I can be as strong and faithful as she was so I can spend eternity with her.

Helpless Hubby

My husband has been helpless this week. On Sunday he started feeling bad and by Monday afternoon he was in severe pain. He headed to the doctor's office where he got a few shots and some prescriptions. By the time we got home, he was in the most pain I've ever known him to have. We headed to the ER, where he was diagnosed with a kidney stone and drugged up with a ton of medicine. Tuesday brought a visit to the urologist office to confirm the diagnosis. In between was filled with lots of screaming and crying and begging for the pain to be gone and throwing up. And now he STILL has not passed the stupid kidney stone. I think all he has eaten this entire week was some fries, 2 chicken nuggets, 5 crackers, a couple cookies, and 2 chicken strips. And he has not kept any of that down. Urologist appointment again this Tuesday and we'll see what happens from there. :-(