Costa Rica

I love Costa Rica! It's true. I'm in love with a country. It's okay. My husband knows and has come to terms with it. It's been four years since I headed south to my favorite place. So I set out on a whole new journey this time and went with people I had never met before. Scary, yes....Bad, no. Actually, it was the best trip I've ever had there. Usually my trip consists of door knocking, vacation Bible school, gospel meeting, and lots of visiting. This time we didn't do any of that. (My family and friends are on their way down there right now to do all of that stuff.) I finally set out on my first, and much-desired, dental brigade.
I started dental assisting almost ten years ago and quit twice. But I missed it entirely too much and had to go back. I've been back in the field for almost 3 years now, and I really can't figure out why I quit in the first place. Oh yea, to pursue bigger and better things and finally get that college degreee. Oh well. It's overrated. Anyway, I have always wanted to do a dental brigade and the opportunity finally presented itself. Steven, who is my friend and "Costa Rican brother", let me in on a trip being planned by a group from Tennessee. So I got connected with them via email and it was set. The trip was to take place from June twelveth through the nineteenth. Skipping a few details....here I am at the airport with people I've never met, heading to a foreign country. Luckily, it is a country that I have been to three other times so I wasn't worried. Much. Right away, I knew I was going to be okay. I connected with them right away.
We worked for four days doing dental work. The first day we worked at an orphanage. That was a mistake because I really wanted to bring those children home. Really, I just wanted to bring one child home. She was 2 1/2 and had the most beautiful dark curly hair. So after I fell in love with this little girl, we still had three more days of clinic left, which we did at a community center where the church meets. We saw over two hundred people total and did a ton of work. The doctors that I was with actually let me try my hand at doing some dental work, which was amazing. There are a lot of things that I cannot do in the States because I will lose my license, as well as whoever I am working for. So Costa Rica is definately the perfect place to do everything I have always wanted to. And I was so blessed to go with people who walked me through those things!
So here I am two weeks after returning, wanting to go back and do it again! I guess I'll just have to wait until next year. There are rumors that we are going to Peru next year. I'm game.

Missing

I'm missing it. I'm missing the first step, the first tooth, the first word. I'm missing the ten thousandth dirty diaper. I'm missing the cries in the middle of the night. I'm missing the first bruised knee. I'm missing the snotty nose and tear-filled eyes. I'm missing the first spoonful of green beans being spat upon the floor. I'm missing bottles and pacifiers and bibs. I'm missing the perfect crib placed in the corner by the window. I'm missing the proud grandparents.
I'm missing the love...the connection. I'm missing it because I've only experienced these things in my dreams at night. I cannot explain the pride a new mother has. I'm still waiting. And until then I will continue to watch others who have them and try to live through them. And I pray that one day I will be missing those things in another way than I am missing them now.

Lost

Did you ever just drive and drive and never seem to find where you're going? You always pass the same rock or building two or three times before you realize it, too. That's how I feel right now. I feel like I've been driving around the same block for weeks and I keep passing the same 'ol stuff. And I'm just now noticing it. I keep trying to get to that one place but I just can't seem to find my way. In my mind, I know the way...if I just take a left here and a right there, I'll be there. But every time I take the turn, there's a detour that throws me off track. And I end up right where I started, trying to follow my directions. Why are there so many detours? Why can't I just get in car and drive until I get there? It seems impossible. I've been pretty optimistic about it until the last couple of days when the detours are innumerable. I think every rock and tree and roof have fallen in my way and now all my tires are flat! I'm confused and discouraged and even though I know what should help, I can't see the results of it yet. I'm ready to abandon my car and just start walking even though I know that won't help either.

Answered Prayers?

I'm still a little weirded out, but in a good way. I had something very odd happen to me yesterday. All day Sunday I had something on my heart that I felt compelled to check on. The more I ignored it, the more it popped in my head. So out of curiosity, I made a phone call yesterday to check on what I was thinking about. That person then proceeded to tell me that she had been praying for someone to do just that.
What does that mean? Was God pressing on my heart, using me to answer a prayer? Or did I just do it on my own? Or was it completely coincidental? I'm under the belief that everything happens for a reason, even if it's a bad, terrible thing. So I called her for a reason. I'm okay with that. But answering someone's prayer? That's unbelievable to me. If God used me to answer one person's prayer, what else could He use me for, if I only let him? Maybe that's all it takes....letting God have control. Maybe that's all it takes to have a God-filled life. Why do we make it so much more difficult than that?
If we only give our life to God instead of trying to do everything alone, things would be much simpler. That's what I've gotten out of this experience. What have you gotten out of this story? Maybe my story is supposed to help you let God take control.

Evolution

I bet I got your attention with that title, huh? I don't mean the whole monkey into man thing, I mean the other evolution...the kind that just means "change". I've been thinking more and more about it lately. There are certain people in my life that I have a particular mental image of. When I think about Steven Guerrero, I have an image of him as I looked out the window of a bus as we were pulling up in front of the Rincon church building about 6 years ago. I always picture my dad laid back in his recliner at our old house, asleep with the tv on. I think about Scott Roderick wearing overalls at camp riding on a 4-wheeler.
But these people (as well as many more I can think of) have changed over the years and that picture in my head has to evolve also. Steven is older now and I haven't been to the Rincon church building in years. My parents have a new house and my dad doesn't usually sleep in his recliner anymore. And I haven't seen Scott with overalls on in almost a year! But why do I still think of them in that way? Am I more comfortable with the old images? No, not really. That's just what my mind goes back to when their names are brought up.
And I'm sure other people think of me in the same way. Some may see me as the tiny 12 year old with hair bigger than her whole body. Some probably remember me as the church secretary in my tailored dress suit. Others may remember me as a flirting college student (it's true...I flirted a little). Even though all of those were me at one time, they aren't me now. In fact, what I was like 6 months ago, isn't what I am now because I have evolved as a person. It doesn't make me wishy-washy or anything else, because changing is good for human nature.
Why are people afraid of change? I guess it's just fear of the unknown. I revel in the thought of change. If I get too comfortable with someone or something, I get lazy. It takes evolving to keep my mind fresh. And even though looking back on what once was makes me sad and nostalgic, I know that it was all changed by Him with a purpose, even if we cannot comprehend it.

Women

I just finished watched The Women with my friend, Maria. Interesting. Men are dogs...I think that's the whole idea of the movie. No, really, I think it goes deeper than that. Here are a few things that I got from it.

*Don't sell yourself out.
*Stay true to what you want.
*Be true to your friends.
*Mother knows best.
*It's okay to put yourself first every once in a while.
*You never know what goes on behind closed doors.

And, of course, I got a lot of curse words (lots of profanity!) and a little bit of my favorite diva, Bette Midler. And since I love anything with Bette Midler, I thought it was a good movie. A little crazy, a little....worldly...but altogether, I liked it. And through the bad, came some good ideas that we could all learn from. Well, all adults could learn from them. You should probably send your kids to the grandparents while you watch this movie.

The First of Many

For some reason, I stopped writing a few years ago. I'm not sure why, but it happened nonetheless. Now I've returned to my passion, taking notes along the way. Some people may disagree with me, but I think God is placing certain things on my heart and in my head to write about. Ideas flood up within me and I can't write fast enough to get it all on paper (or computer screen). Sometimes I feel like Jo March from Little Women..."Late at night my mind would come alive with voices and stories and friends as dear to me as any in the real world. I gave myself up to it, longing for transformation." I may not be as talented as Louisa May Alcott but I certainly have a mind for the printed word. I intend on this blog being my springboard for ideas, outlash at society, and my love.

Most people will read this post and wonder if the Mandy Moore they know has such things in her heart. For some of you, the answer is yes! As most see me, I am a goofy twenty-something who loves my family and dogs and has no life ambition...partially true. The reason I appear to have no life ambition, is because I am a writer. If you are an artist at heart, you will understand that statement. People see artists and writers and musicians as people with no direction, drifting through the wind toward whatever is convenient at the time. And if that is how you see us, that's okay with me. I never wanted fame or fortune or a doctorate degree. I only long for happiness and the satisfaction of a fulfilled life. And writing gives me direction and satisfaction.

I will never have a million dollars or a PhD or even my own talk show but I will have a life of happiness and mansion in heaven one day. And as I see it, that is better than any worldly thing.